Thursday, July 19, 2012

Losing my grandmother

I haven't blogged in the past few weeks. If you follow me on twitter, you probably already know that my Mamaw recently passed away. I want to say thank you to all of you who thought, prayed, and sent well wishes to my family and I. 

I have been out of town, out of my routine, and spending a lot of quality time with my family. The past few weeks have been pretty tough for my family and I. My grandmother had been battling cancer for around 8 years now. She had beat it twice and then refused any kind of treatment this last time around. I really can't blame her for that decision. As much as I wanted her to fight it again, she just didn't have it in her. I realize now, how selfish it was for me to want so badly to keep her around. Since my Papaw passed away, she hasn't been the same. She was lonely and was longing to join him in heaven. The good memories I have with both of them are helping me get through the hard times we are facing now. 

I called my Mamaw EVERY SINGLE DAY on the way home from work. It was part of my routine. She looked forward to the calls everyday and would remind me every time I talked to her just how much they meant to her. I wish I had told her on my last phone call to her how much they also meant to me. 

Up until the last few days of her life, I was by her side talking to her, telling her how much I loved her and that Papaw was waiting for her in heaven. The last few days she was not the same. She was deteriorating quickly and I just couldn't make myself go into see her like that. She was not recognizing people anymore. I will never forget the last thing she said to me... I walked in one afternoon after rushing home from Dallas. She looked into my eyes, started crying and said, "Oh Allison, I am finally going to heaven." 

I helped my dad and stepmom watch my little brother and sister while they spent time up there with her the last few days. My little brother (who is 11) was a trooper and wanted to be there by her side every minute. It got to the point that it wasn't healthy for him to be there so that's when I took on the sister role and entertained them. 

My grandma was an amazing woman that had a heart of gold. She was very demanding at times but that is only because my Papaw took such great care of her when he was alive. Before he passed away, she had never once in her life put gas in a car. I would not have wished her to be any other way. She was such a blessing to so many people and I still can not believe she is gone. This post is not meant to be a sad one but more of a post dedicated to her. She did not like having her picture taken so I only have a few of her in the last few years of life. The picture below will be a picture I cherish forever. This was such a special moment in my life and her being there meant the world to me! 

I love you Mamaw and miss you more than I could ever put into words!


Jamie Danielle said...

Grandma's are the best things in our life. I am very sorry for your loss.

Kristin said...

So sorry for your loss. She sounds like one special lady.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.

Leslie said...

I am so sorry for your loss!! I know what it is like to lose a grandparent that you are really close to. Praying for you and your family!! xoxo

Kristen said...

Oh Allison, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a close grandparent is really hard! I'm so glad you could be there with her!

Ashleigh Nichole said...

I completely have tons of tears running down my face as I write this to you! I am so sorry for your loss sweet girl! I know awhile back you got to visit with her as well as before she passed. I am sure you are angry, sad, hurt & so much more & all of those emotions are ok to have! But at least now she is no longer suffering & she gets to be an angel watching over you always every moment every day! You will now have two amazing angels with you always :)